Top Secret NBC Memo: November 2007

Top Secret Inter-Office Memo: NBC Defensive Tactics (Destroy once memorized.) Our research team has produced a profile of the greatest threat from the population. It consists of a mentally disabled weakling who doesn't have what it takes to make it in show business. Policy for the Mentally Disabled: In public we must take care to show the mentally disabled every possible respect. We cannot afford to let the public know how much we hate these losers. However, in private, we must do our best to seek out and destroy the mentally disabled. They are easy enough to find since they are usually unemployed and forced to expose themselves in the street during the work day. Once you locate a mentally disabled person, the next step is to zero in on his disability and use it against him. Aggravate his condition so that it causes his suicide. If he is schizophrenic, pepper your broadcast with tacit insults which can only be understood by him. If he suffers from acute depression, find out what he loves the most and break his heart with it. How to Spot a Weakling: Weaklings are Canadian, especially Canadians who aren't eager enough to move south and pretend they are American when they have talent. Weaklings are usually unemployed because they are too weak to resist rebelling against workplace superiors who unfairly exploit them. Weaklings are often overpowered by their strong opinions and forced to share them with the world. A typical weakling will stand in front of a crowd of forty million rock fans and tell them all that Mick Jagger sucked his cock. How to Fight a Weakling: The best way to fight a weakling is with overwhelming force. You may need as many as five multinational corporations, two sovereign states, and three major religions on your side. Make his enemies popular and keep the focus on him as he cries out in protest. Don't give him the benefit of hometown support. On the contrary, the people he lives with should dislike him the most. Arm your agents with malicious lies and send them out against him. Keep it up for as long as is necessary. It may take years, but when he finally commits suicide, we can say he did so because he was weak. What It Takes to Make It in Show Business: Of course, we need our viewers to go on thinking that talent and perseverance are all that is required to be successful in this business, but we know better. We know that arrogance, dishonesty, and a willingness to worship Satan are the qualities necessary for stardom at this point in history. Any artist who lacks these qualities will not receive our support, and any artist who opposes them is our sworn enemy.
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