The Dreadful Truth

Host: Up next on The Dreadful Truth, Pamela Porter is a mother who lost her child during a camping trip. Apparently she just turned her back on him for a minute to check her face in the mirror. The authorities have kept the details of her child's disappearance a secret up to now. But this mama wants the truth and she wants it in front of forty million captivated viewers, so here is Mark Forest of the Park Rangers with ... the dreadful truth! (Taking Porter by the hand) Are you ready, Mrs Porter? (Suspense music.) Porter: I think so. Host: Then read us the official coroner's report, Mark. Forest: (After clearing throat) It is the finding of this forensic authority that the child was snatched away by an eagle. The deep marks in the child's torso could only have been produced by talons. The child's skull, which was found in a large abandoned nest, appears to have been cracked open in order that the eagle could suck out the child's protein-rich brain and feed it to her young. The child's- Host: Hold it, Mark. Are you all right, Mrs Porter? Folks, we're just going to take a short commercial break and we'll be back with someone else who wants the dreadful truth. Commercial: Vacation in Santo Geraldo. (Returning to program, a girl has just completed an off-key performance of Like a Rhinestone Cowgirl. The audience politely applaud.) Host: And that was Windy Huff with Like a Rhinestone Cowgirl. Windy came here tonight because she wants to know the truth about her singing. And here is her friend and confidante, Karen Nesbitt, to share this information with us. Karen, why don't you do that for us now? Nesbitt: Gladly. Windy, you suck. You should get off the stage before you do any further harm. Huff: I don't cause any harm with my music! Nesbitt: Oh no? Remember your mom's abortion? She said she decided to have it after hearing your singing. And remember those boys who shot up the whole school last year? They said they couldn't help themselves after they heard your singing. Huff: I can't let the reactions of ordinary people interfere with my greatness. Nesbitt: Remember Saddam's decision to use poison gas on his own people? He said he got the idea after hearing your singing. Huff: That's crazy! Next you'll be blaming Hurricane Katrina on my singing. Nesbitt: No, that was when God blamed your singing. Get off the stage, Windy. Get off the stage before you kill us all!
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© 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved.