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Hi everyone! I'm Taylor Daft, the perfect role model for young girls around the world - just ask Bill O'Reilly! You know, back when I was young, before I turned seventeen, I used to watch this forty-one-year-old man on the internet who shared his songs on YouTube. Then when he wouldn't run out and be a star with his music, I couldn't let all his fans that he didn't know about be disappointed, so I offered myself in his place and I've been a star ever since. Last year I went to Juvy for committing fraud with one of his new songs, but as soon as I got out they said I didn't have to worry because he didn't want to be a media pet like me. They said that in a less than a year I'd be back out performing his songs anywhere I like - even in the city of his residence. And when I play that show I'm going to go around and make people call him a fraud for saying he wrote his songs. And I'm going to explain to him that at least I make money, which is far more important than merely making music, which is all he knows how to do. I'm only going to his country to make him look bad but the silly people there don't think so. They think I'm going there to be with them! And they'll let me ride around in a limo while he walks down the sidewalk by himself. And they'll put me in a fine hotel while he chases mice from the walls of his flophouse room. And they'll give me the keys to the city because I'm Taylor Daft!
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