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Nicholas Capricornicuski was born in Poland in 1492. His father was a drunk and his mother was a palm reader. He was an intelligent boy and performed well in his studies of contemporary astrology and metaphysics. He graduated from the Church in 1510 and moved to England, where he tried to get a job in his chosen profession. But no one thought he was smart enough for it, and all he could find was a menial job on a ladder replacing street torches. He figured that he was being discriminated against for being Polish and shortened his name to make it sound more Latin. Suddenly doors opened for him everywhere: the Church. They put him to work on translating scriptures, but he didn't like it and succumbed to alcoholism. One night in 1514 he got so drunk that he collapsed on the floor. The ceiling started to spin and it gave him the notion that the Earth might also spin, which would affect our perception of the heavens. He told the bishop about it, but the bishop didn't like the idea, so he abandoned it and died of liver failure in 1525. He is not to be confused with the brilliant Polish astronomer, Nicolai Copernicus, from the same period, who had an entirely different life.
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