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I heard Tina Fey was carted off to prison the other night, and if you want to know why, look back over The Card Parties, The Trimming of the Shrub, I'm Free, E.M. Forced Her, The Show Must Continue, and Come Out to Show Them. Stars don't want to go to prison for fraud, and since so many of them committed fraud with my work after I removed it from the web in 2007, I've been under constant attack. The reporters from Dateline NBC resigned? Is that right? They may end up serving time right along with those disgraced stars. I didn't want to go on Dateline because I hate the show and because they made people believe Tina wrote my blogs in 2007. For some reason NBC was free to prosecute themselves for their crime. Of course, they had the evidence to do so, and thought that I might want to 'thank' them for it on their crooked news show. But I stayed off Dateline. Sounds like Taylor Swift played the Canada Day show here and was arrested and incarcerated on her return to the United States when I protested. Sounds like someone was committing fraud with an erased song of mine from 2011 called Innocent. I've re-posted that song. Sounds like Tina Fey's boyfriend performed one show and was throw in jail at my request. I hope they send him to prison, too. Sounds like production was halted on a film being shot here to make me look helpless. And since I re-posted the details of what happened to me at the Nasco staffing company, a lot of seats have opened up here at the library. |
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| © 2013. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Monday, August 12, 2013
Have You Heard David's Innocent?
Sunday, August 11, 2013
Party of One
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How was the party last night? Sounded like it was cancelled for some reason. You know what I did last night? I partied with my prayer beads. I splurged and said ten extra Our Father's. I don't want to look like I'm gloating so I won't talk too much about what happened to those creeps who were using my erased songs. They're saying that 'I knew' - as much as they knew, of course - but my knowledge was based strictly on how I've been treated so far this summer, with Taylor playing the Canada Day show and Tina Fey's lover on the stage again. And that felt like a close call yesterday as I declared my intention re-post erased songs. I never dreamed that writing and sharing songs and laughs could be so treacherous. Anyway, most of them should be back up by the end of the day today. Sorry for getting sidetracked for so long with my new work. To my would-be detractors, this is not 2007. It's 2013 now. The future will not unfold as you wish or expect it to. Is it true that they carted Tina Fey off to prison? Finally! And what happened to Roger? Really? Wow! I mean, I can see them prosecuting Tina Fey, but an important star like Roger? People think they're only hurting me by stealing my work. Wrong. This causes my loyal followers to suffer. That's why entertainment fraud is punished so severely. |
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| © 2013. Statements by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Saturday, August 10, 2013
Conspiracies
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Welcome to Conspiracies. Who killed the Kennedys? People have been shouting out this question since 1963. Our guest today is here to help us answer it. Mister Pearson, thank you for being here. My pleasure. How did you come by this information? I worked in the records department of the Pentagon. I see. A whistle blower! If you like. And what did you find there? I found out that Lee Harvey Oswald was indeed a patsy. I understand why they have kept this information from the public all this time. If the public knew- (A man from the audience leaps onstage and shoots Pearson in the chest. The crowd screams and police struggle to restore order.) (A hundred years later. A different host in futuristic attire.) Welcome to Conspiracies. At last we know who killed the Kennedy's and who killed Edgar Pearson. But do we know why? Here to answer this question is Buck Masters. Thank you for being with us, Mister Masters. Shall we get right down to it? Certainly, but I must warn viewers that this information is extremely sensitive. It has the potential to unravel the whole fabric of our society. The reason why Kennedy was killed is- (A man from the audience leaps onstage and zaps Masters with a ray gun. Chaos. Hovering spheres move in and try to restore order.) |
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| © 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Mind Your Manners
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Good day and welcome to Mind Your Manners. Rudeness takes many forms, but perhaps the most insidious is that of chronic complaining. People should know better than to complain. We all suffer in this life and it's not fair to unload our burdens onto other people. (Enter a stagehand.) Who are you? What do you want? I want my pay cheque. I've worked on this set for over a month. Well, you should be glad to have something to do. My children are starving! I'm behind in my rent! Now now, let's not burden everyone with your problems. |
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| © 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Get the Waistcoat
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Are you protected? I mean, are you really protected? If you don't own the Waistcoat, probably not. The Waistcoat is made of a light and durable alloy that can stop a bullet fired from point blank range. Bill, how do you feel with me pointing this shotgun at your chest? Are you nervous? Not one bit. (He discharges the weapon and knocks Bill onto his back.) How about now? I feel relaxed. (He stands directly over Bill and discharges the weapon again.) How about now? (Wheezing) Just a little winded. (Another gunshot to Bill's chest.) And now? (Unable to speak, Bill feebly raises his hand in the air with his thumb up.) Stop living in fear and get the the Waistcoat: it's one solid investment. |
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| © 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Friday, August 9, 2013
Land of Dream Jobs
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America is the land of dreams. Here you can be anything you want. Do you want to be a writer? Put it on your resume and apply for a writing job with NBC. As long as you're wearing glasses, you'll get the job. You don't even have to know how to spell. You just need to know how to copy and paste from the internet. Do you want to be a rock star? Just get together with your friends and apply for work with WEA Music or Zydeco Subpop. As long as your songs are in demand, you'll get the job. They don't even have to be your songs, at least not for as long it takes to damage their appeal in the hands of their true owner. Do you want to be a heart surgeon? |
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| © 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
Thursday, August 8, 2013
Ahead of Their Time: Nicholas Capricornicus (1492-1525)
| Nicholas Capricornicuski was born in Poland in 1492. His father was a drunk and his mother was a palm reader. He was an intelligent boy and performed well in his studies of contemporary astrology and metaphysics. He graduated from the Church in 1510 and moved to England, where he tried to get a job in his chosen profession. But no one thought he was smart enough for it, and all he could find was a menial job on a ladder replacing street torches. He figured that he was being discriminated against for being Polish and shortened his name to make it sound more Latin. Suddenly doors opened for him everywhere: the Church. They put him to work on translating scriptures, but he didn't like it and succumbed to alcoholism. One night in 1514 he got so drunk that he collapsed on the floor. The ceiling started to spin and it gave him the notion that the Earth might also spin, which would affect our perception of the heavens. He told the bishop about it, but the bishop didn't like the idea, so he abandoned it and died of liver failure in 1525. He is not to be confused with the brilliant Polish astronomer, Nicolai Copernicus, from the same period, who had an entirely different life. | ||||||||||
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| © 2007, 2013. Scripts by David Skerkowski. All rights reserved. |
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